Walking into a store around Mother’s Day, one would think from all the greeting card images that all mothers are white, able-bodied, middle-class, straight, feminine and female-identified women in nuclear families. This narrow view of who a mother is excludes so many of us - Immigrant women raising their children in bilingual homes, Transgender moms with disabilities, Masculine-identified women raising their nieces and nephews, Incarcerated mother maintaining connection through barbed wire and concrete walls, Indigenous women honoring both their children and Mother Earth in the struggles against colonization and tar sands, Women of color serving in the military and parenting from overseas, Breast-feeding working-class queer mamas, Survivors of sexual violence who are transforming pain and trauma into creating a safe home for their little ones, Mothers working as domestic workers - separated from their own children to raise the children of upper-class families, Mothers of all skin colors and their little ones who may or may not be the same color, Teen mothers taking good care of their babies, Single moms and multi-generational households, Mothers that cross borders and endure separation from their families in order to provide for them, Mothers by blood, adoption, and chosen-mothers. This year, let’s honor all mothers! Let’s celebrate midwives, doulas, and other birthworkers! Let’s take this day as an opportunity to learn more about our own birthstory and send some love to uteruses all over the world! Let’s support motherhood and parenthood as a whole, and create and nourish culture/communities where families are included and valued. To all those who help build strong and resilient communities by creating inclusive, multi-generational spaces- To all the mothers and allies working collectively for justice in the realm of motherhood/parenthood and other aspects of community justice – To all artists who are creating vivid reflections of families in all their vibrant, simple, complicated, and loving manifestations -
THANK YOU!
Please check out Strong Families-"a home for the 4 out of 5 people living in the US who do not live behind the picket fence—whose lives fall outside outdated notions of family, with a mom at home and a dad at work....We see the trend of families defining themselves beyond the picket fence—across generation, race, gender, immigration status, and sexuality—as a powerful and promising development for the US, and we want to help policy makers catch up. Our vision is that every family have the rights, recognition and resources it needs to thrive. We are engaging hundreds of organizations and thousands of individuals in our work to get there." -and their Mama's Day Our Way campaign - beautiful and free e-cards here, created by a network of artists and organizations. Some of their cards are included below. More resources: Art of Favianna Rodriguezand Dignidad Rebelde Radical Doula The Shodhini Institute Campaign for Prison Phone Justice- please sign their Mother's Day petition here. Brown Boi Project The Native Youth Sexual Health Network National Day Laborer Organizing Network
You can click on images below to make them larger.
"My mom would cross 100 borders to give me a better future."
One Billion Rising One In Three Women On The Planet Will Be Raped Or Beaten In Her Lifetime. One Billion Women Violated Is An Atrocity. One Billion Women Dancing Is A Revolution.
All over the world people are coming together this Valentine's Day to dance and speak out against violence against women and children.
While this global effort is truly beautiful and moving, let's not forget that survivors are not always women and perpetrators are not always male. When talking about violence in intimate partnerships, it's important not to assume all couples are straight or that people's gender identities can be determined through assumptions. It's important not to erase people's experiences by viewing all women as victims/survivors and all men as perpetrators. Physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual trauma can affect any relationship. In creating the world we want to live in and creating services, projects, and resources to facilitate the healing of trauma, it's important that we are honoring all survivors, not only female-identified cisgender (non-transgender) women in straight relationships.
I am really inspired by the expanding conversations, workshops, and movement-building around healing and preventing sexual violence in our communities. Movements sometimes shy away from addressing relationship violence and violence within families, as if these are personal issues that don't have very real and hurtful effects on our communities. I'm really heartened by Keith Smith's 'Boys and Men as Survivors of Sexual Violence' and other similar workshops that focus on masculinity, healing, and how male-identified people are impacted by violence. I'm inspired by the visionary work of Generation FIVE, looking forward far beyond this lifetime, to end child sexual violence within five generations.
This V-Day Eve Ensler, creatrix of the Vagina Monologues, has sparked One Billion Rising/Un billón de Pie, with flashmobs taking place all over the world this Thursday, Feb 14th. It's not too late to get involved. There are at least 11 groups planning flashmobs in Vemont, US alone! The videos below are of the Break the Chain/Romper Las Cadenas.
You can learn the dance moves through the instructional videos hereand here, and once you have the moves down you can practice them straight through here (in a mirror image, so you can move in sync with the other dancers). If you'd like to download these videos so that you can get together with friends and practice, you can do so here.
Eve Ensler has also written this poem "Man Prayer", filmed by Tony Stroebel. The words of the poem are included below, with Spanish translation.
I love that this poem includes voices from so many languages, including sign language. I was raised as a white, English-speaker in the US. As a child surrounded by mainstream culture, included limited exposure to mainstream feminism, I was raised to look at other cultures and countries, especially people of color's, as less-than. I was raised to believe that 'Americans' (read: white, English-speaking US citizens) are smarter, more capable, more beautiful, more worthy, etc. than all others. Daily, I can see the way this rarely-questioned complex infiltrates the minds and activism of even those of us who consider ourselves leftist/liberal/radical. It manifests with condescending side comments about 'those poor women in...(fill in the blank of some faraway country).' It rears it's ugly head when people talk about machismo in Latin American countries, while sweeping US misogyny (women-hating) and domestic abuse under the rug.
This perspective perpetuates the conquistador/colonizer/missionary mentality where people who believe that their culture and beliefs are superior enter communities they are not a part of in order to teach/convert, ultimately destroying culture through assimilation. This perspective may not be intentional, or even conscious. Until we intentionally break this cycle, this learned attitude will continue to affect our personal conversations and infiltrate our workplaces, our homes, our communities, and even our movements of social justice.
To those of you raised in the US, to those of you raised with privilege (white, male, cisgender (non-transgender), able-bodied, speaking the dominant language, middle-class, and/or straight, etc), this V-Day, this February, this year, please take the opportunity to reflect on the often-unquestioned lessons we've been taught from the media - the magazine's we looked at as youths, the tv shows we watched, the music we listened to, our schooling, in the home, and the experiences that helped shape our view about our place in the world and people from other backgrounds.
Deep winter is the perfect time for reflecting on, sorting through, and releasing ideas that we know in our hearts are untrue. It's time to unlearn oppressive ideas we were raised with. Only once we are liberated from these misperceptions can we join with people from all over the world in true solidarity.
"If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together." - Lilla Watson, Indigenous Australian visual artist, activist and academic
Man Prayer May I be a man whose confidence comes from the depth of my giving who understands that vulnerability is my greatest strength who creates space rather than dominates it who appreciates listening more than knowing who seeks kindness over control who cries when the grief is too much who refuses the slap, the gun, the choke, the insult, the punch may I not be afraid to get lost may I cherish touch more than performance and the experience more than getting there may I move slowly, not abruptly may I be brave enough to share my fear and shame and gather other men to do the same may I stop pretending and open the parts of me that have long been numb may I cherish, respect and love my mother may the resonance of that love translate into loving all women and living things
Oración de Hombre por Eve Ensler Que sea yo un hombre cuya confianza proviene de la profundidad de mi dar quien entienda que la vulnerabilidad es mi mayor fortaleza que genere espacios en lugar de dominarlos que aprecie escuchar más que conocer quien busque amabilidad sobre control que llore cuando el dolor es demasiado que niegue la bofetada, la pistola, la estrangulación, el insulto, el golpe que no tenga miedo de perderse que valore más el toque que el rendimiento y la experiencia más que llegar que mueva lentamente, no abruptamente que sea lo suficientemente valiente para compartir mi miedo y vergüenza y para reunir a otros hombres para hacer lo mismo que deje de fingir y que abra las partes de mí que llevan mucho tiempo adormecidos que aprecie, respete y ame a mi madre que la resonancia de este amor se traduzca en amor a todas las mujeres y los seres vivos
(Muchas gracias a Hana Tauber para su ayuda en la traducción de este poema.)
When we look at what the factors are that make life so miserable for young gays and lesbians, it’s tempting for progressives to point the finger at religious traditions that are hostile to sexual pluralism. But the young men in American high schools who are beating up other boys whom they suspect of being gay are rarely doing so in order to comply with a misunderstood dictate from the Torah or the Pauline epistles. It’s not faith that drives the hate as much as it is an overwhelming desire to establish masculine bona fides. “I torment faggots, therefore I can’t be one; I beat up queers, therefore I’m a man.” That toxic equation may be aided and abetted by conservative religion, but it isn’t rooted in it. Rather, the hateful behavior is rooted in the rigid rules of American masculinity, a masculinity predicated on a contempt for and a paranoia about even the slightest whiff of femininity among the be-penised. ~ "Homosociality and Homophobia: Why the Distorted Rules of “Manhood” are the Real Problem" by Hugo Schwyzer As a little one, I adored pink and covered myself with it.And then at some point, I started to hate it.Perhaps it had to do with being outnumbered by brothers?I don’t know.Later, I started distancing myself from masculinity.I straight-up ran away from it after leaving home, surrounding myself almost exclusively by other women during a time when I equated masculinity with violence and power-over. Now, I crave spaces made up of all kinds of genders. And I love to hear male-identified folks discussing masculinity in a way that is conscious of and challenges misogyny (women-hating), homophobia, and power dynamics. I also enjoy observing what kind of masculinity attracts me. At the Reproductive Rights Conference that I recently attended, I sat in on the Masculinity panel where I bore witness to four masculine-identified folks talking about their relationships, favorite music, childhood, privilege, and their vivid gender expressions. (To see projects that some of the panelists are apart of creating, check out Interseqtion and The Brown Boi Project)My assumptions were challenged in many ways by hearing the stories of folks who may feel most comfortable with a hyper-masculine presentation and who also use a female pronoun. Or folks who choose a masculine identity that challenges their upbringing, who also love their toenails painted and love glitter and faerie wings. I love this both/and (rather than either/or mentality) and the space felt really liberating to me. I've been reflecting since on the conversation about masculinity as separate from domination and misogyny, disentangling these in my mind.
As thoughts of masculinity have become more present and rolling around in my mind these past days, pink keeps coming up, as well as the theme of community response.I recently read the article Brazil Stadium Turns Pink After Faggot Chants Shock Community.In response to homophobic chants targeted at Michael Santos during a game, his volleyball teammates showed their support by wearing rainbows and pink. The larger community responded as well...
Michael Santos and his teammates
Community response - a pink stadium! and "Vôlei Futuro Against Prejudice" banner
Soon after reading about this brillant community response to homophobic targeting, my friend sent me this clip: Stand Up! - Don't Stand for Homophobic Bullying by the BeLonG To, an organization which supports gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender youth in Ireland.
Again, positive, strong, and loving community response! More and more in the media and sometimes in our schools, workplaces, and even our own homes, we're surrounded by people on ridiculous and hateful tirades about topics that really have nothing to do with them, besides feeling threatened by their own insecurities, as ifthose seeking basic human rights are personally attacking them.Writing them off silently or with sarcastic remarks doesn't really do anything to make our world safer for all of us to be who we are and love who we will without fear or threat of violence, homelessness, being disowned, etc. We need to take action.And I love creative community responses like the one above.
Another public homophobic and transphobic attack has taken place recently. Targeted at a 5 year old! JCrew recently included a photo of designer Jenna Lyons giggling with her son. The scandal - her son's toenails are painted! Pink!!!!!
Media Research Center, which claims to be America's Media Watchdog whose mission is to bring balance to the news media, published J.CREW Pushes Transgendered Child Propaganda:Women's clothing company highlights pink nail-polish wearing boy in promotional email, where they write that JCrew is "targeting a new demographic - mothers of gender-confused young boys. At least, that's the impression given by a new marketing piece that features blatant propaganda celebrating transgendered children." Lyons is "exploiting Beckett (the son) behind the façade of liberal, transgendered identity politics.... Propaganda pushing the celebration of gender-confused boys wanting to dress and act like girls is a growing trend, seeping into mainstream culture."
I was speechless when I first heard these claims. How someone can see this image and instead of feeling warm and mushy inside and/or have the urge to paint their toenails pink, see gender-confusion and transgender propaganda only shows how our rigid gender-roles keep us all confined. Boys and men must stay withinsuch a narrow pathof the ever-changing rules of what it is to be a man, otherwise they are called names (often accused of being queer - as if this is a bad thing - which shows how linked sexism, misogyny, and homo/transphobia are), assaulted, even killed. When I've traveled in parts of Canada and Ireland I've been struck by some the interactions between men that I’ve witnessed - standing closer to each other, dressing nice without this calling into question their sexuality - and realized how suffocatingly limiting the rules for "manly" behavior here in the U.S. are.
When my nephew was 2, he loved pink, just like his big sister. They'd get into some pretty intense fights over who got to use the pink cup atsnacktime and when I painted my nieces toenails pink, he wanted his done as well. I definitely was not going to tell my 2 year old nephew that his sister was allowed to have pink toenails, but he couldn't, or why some grownups might get bent out of shape at the appearance of his new paint job. So I went ahead and painted them. And gave them the Girls Will Be Boys Will Be Girls genderific coloring book (also available: Sometimes The Spoon Runs Away With Another Spoon and Girls Are Not Chicks coloring books), and I hope that they know that whoever they choose to be, whoever they choose to love, I will support them. Whatever pronoun they wish to be called by, whatever gender expression they choose, whoever they want to date, they have my blessing and my only concern is that they are happy and healthy and growing. And I've got a new little OOMS on the way, soon to arrive. My nephew just came up with this gender-neutral term, OOMS = Offspring of My Sibling. I thought of nephiece. His was better. (Just another part of theTransgender Propaganda Machine!) And as always, Jon Stewart's had a hilariousresponse to this whole pink toenail fiasco:
Psychiatrist Keith Ablows' article on Fox News is actually even more frightening that what's included in the above clip. Responding to the text in the advertisement, he writes "Yeah, well, it may be fun and games now, Jenna, but at least put some money aside for psychotherapy for the kid—and maybe a little for others who’ll be affected by your “innocent” pleasure. This is a dramatic example of the way that our culture is being encouraged to abandon all trappings of gender identity—homogenizing males and females when the outcome of such “psychological sterilization” [author's word choice] is not known."
He goes on,
Well, how about the fact that encouraging the choosing of gender identity, rather than suggesting our children become comfortable with the ones that they got at birth, can throw our species into real psychological turmoil—not to mention crowding operating rooms with procedures to grotesquely amputate body parts? Why not make race the next frontier? What would be so wrong with people deciding to tattoo themselves dark brown and claim African-American heritage? Why not bleach the skin of others so they can playact as Caucasians? ...These folks (at JCrew) are hostile to the gender distinctions that actually are part of the magnificent synergy that creates and sustains the human race.
First of all, who amongst us couldn't use at least a little bit of therapy?! Especially in a mainstream culture that is so brainwashed by and obsessed with the idea that heterosexuality is "normal" and that all else should be dismissed, belittled, or destroyed. Unfortunately, even for those of us that can access therapy, psychiatry as a field creates a hostile environment for those whose gender and sexual identities lay outside what's considered "normal." Transgenderism (called "gender identity disorder") is still listed in the DSM - The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, published by the American Psychiatric Association- as a mental disorder. Homosexuality was listed as a mental disorder as well, up until 1986. So, in terms of seeking out therapy to explore gender identity, unless a practitioner has done their work to explore gender both personally and systematically, and in a liberating way, rather than what is sanctioned by the field, we've got a case of trying to dismantle the master's house using the master's tools, which, as Audre Lorde writes, can not be done. That a psychiatrist, so soon after the recent suicides by youth who endured constant bullying about their sexualities, insists on using such inflammatory language to create a vicious environment is completely unacceptable, unprofessional, and dangerous. That professionals who are supposed to support our overall health are so caught up in projecting their own personal judgments and obsessions that they refuse to accept their clients' life choices that cause no one any harm is psychologically abusive. This is a form of violence.
Ablows’ claim of “crowding operating rooms with procedures to grotesquely amputate body parts” is not only completely medically inaccurate, it clearly shows how fear-based his entire argument is.He isn’t talking about the anatomy of those with vulvas being amputated, but he doesn’t specify his personal horror at the thought of being de-penised.Clearly, he has no clue about gender confirmation surgery, sometimes called gender reassignment surgery.This irrational claim sounds quite similar to medically-inaccurate, fear-based abstinence only sex ed programs that claim to be based on morals, but instead are completely out of touch with reality and end up actually causing more sexually transmitted infections and pregnancies.These are just the tangible results of such programs and the mentalities they’re based on – they also encourage an atmosphere of shame, secrecy, and ignorance about other’s bodies and our own.This creates fertile ground for abuse.Ablows’ comments similarly create such an atmosphere and does a disservice for not only those questioning their gender, but also the family members, friends, religious leaders, co-workers, health care providers, and other community members who care for and about them.For those interested in learning how to better support their friends and loved ones who are going through gender transition and/or confirmation surgery (specifically “female-to-male” top surgery), see Jacoby Ballard’s zines (booklets) listed on this site’s product list page.Also, the organization RU12? leads trainings for health care providers and community members focused on improving patient care to queer and transgender clients/patients.
As for Albows’ use of the term "Psychological sterilization" - With this country's long history past and present of genocide through sterilization of indigenous, Puerto Rican, Black, Japanese, and other women of color, homosexuals, and people with disabilities (though of course sometimes these identities overlap), referring to this non-event as a form of "psychological sterilization" is completely disgraceful.Dr. Ablows is drawing on his manufactured authority as an educated, upper-class, straight, white male to again speak about something he clearly knows nothing about. White people who grasp for racial parallels to bolster their own argument completely out of historical context only contribute to misunderstanding, racism, and white supremacy. Attempting to connect painting a boy-childs toenails with changing one's skin color to pretend they're members of another race is problematic in numerous ways. First, race, like gender, is socially constructed, but he talks of these like they are biological categories that threaten the whole human race if defied. Also, Caucasian is a fictitious categorization of light-skinned (white) people who wanted to create a non-African place of origin for themselves. (Details, details, but I think it's important when discussing "race" and racism to remember that much of what we've been taught, and the language that we've been given to discuss it, is confusing at best and usually perpetuates racist ideas of people being broken up into distinct races in the first place.) And it's just plain irresponsible and ignorant for a white person in the U.S. to bring up the topic of skin color without doing their homework to understand and pass on to others accurate information about the history of skin color in terms of economics/employment, class, racism, and slavery, and how it affects us still today.
It's up to us to educate ourselves because Fox News is not about giving us empowering information to understand the world around us, and to be able to see through weak and selfish arguments such as the one from Ablows, who seems to lack any integrity at all.
He was also wrong about the pink nail polish. It was not an attack on masculinity. It was a transformation of masculinity, a fabulousization of masculinity! And if we don't want his type of masculinity, which attacks people, stigmatizes gender exploration, and perpetuates homo/transphobia, then we have to change it! It is easy to write off a wealthy white man on Fox News. However, homophobia and transphobia could not thrive if it wasn't upheld daily in a million different ways - ways that we ourselves within our families, schools, homes, workplaces, places of worship, doctor's offices, organizations, and other communities act out oppressive dynamics that we were taught.
Oh, and the Ultimate Fighting Champion, Chuck Liddell, that Jon Stewart refers to? Here are his sweet feet:
Pink and black! To the Masculinities panelists, Interseqtion, The Brown Boi Project, BeLonG To, Girls Will Be Boys Will Be Girls coloring book creatrixes, Jenna Lyons, the players of Vôlei Futuro and all you lovely people with your pink noodles in the crowd, Chuck Liddell and his toenails, and all the others who transform masculinity daily just by being your beautiful pink-toenail-polished (if you like) selves: Thank you! You give me hope.
I’ve recently offered to all my male-identified friends and family members to paint their toes pink with non-toxic nail polish, along with an herbal footbath and foot massage.I’d love to offer the same here, but I know some of you are reading from quite far away, so I’d like to encourage you to team up and make this happen yourselves - I’ll post some herbal spa self-care info and recipes soon.
P.S. My toenails are painted pink right now. In solidarity and because I'm reclaimingthe color...
Dec 1st is World AIDS Day and is the perfect opportunity for getting tested, talking with your partner(s)/kids/parents/friends about safer sex, harm reduction and supporting those in our communities that are HIV positive and living with AIDS. For general info about HIV/AIDS please visit The Body.
Roy Belcher from VT Cares (Committee for AIDS Resource, Education, and Services) has created the film "Breaking Barriers: Fighting Stigma," sharing personal stories of people in Vermont who are living with HIV/AIDS. I was able to attend a viewing at the local public library (where it is available for loan) earlier this week and was moved by the stories shared.
AIDS didn't really impact my life until the summer after graduating from high school when I worked at a Unitarian Universalist conference center that hosted a gathering of gay and bisexual men. I loved serving in the dining hall that week, being surrounded by an inclusive and colorful atmosphere that seemed to both embrace and challenge masculinity - and dining attire ranging from dresses and pearls to nothing but leather thongs. The presence of such a vibrant community of men coming together to relax, dance, learn, share support, feast, etc. was healing for me just to witness, but it was definitely bittersweet. It was heartbreaking to see the quilt that they bring out every year and have to add the names of members of their community who they've lost to AIDS. I don't mean to perpetuate the myth that AIDS only affects gay men, or that it is a "gay disease," but my experience of coming from a small and very hetero-dominant town where HIV/AIDS was rarely discussed and then suddenly being temporarily and peripherally in a community where so many have lost loved ones really had an impact on me. I felt like I was seeing a world that I was not supposed to see.
Anyone with a heart would empathize with the pain of loss, but I was also outraged at the silence. The experiences common to one particular and targeted community (i.e. police brutality in communities of color) is not supposed to be of concern to the majority, to those in the dominant group. For some reason, though I was raised in a heterosexist* and sometimes violently homophobic culture, something just didn't stick with me. The belief that a family is a man with "male" anatomy married to a woman with "female" anatomy, and their children. The idea that heterosexual lifestyles are somehow normal. ?! That sex is defined solely as a cisgender (non-transgender) man penetrating a cisgender woman, which excludes a lot of people and practices. I could go on and on... Because the fact is that whether we've thought about it or not, whether we've explored what we were taught about sexuality and gender, whether we identify as lesbian, gay, queer, questioning, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, straight, somewhere else on the sexuality spectrum, or as something else entirely and whether we identify gender-wise as female, male, trans, genderqueer, non-binary or something else entirely, we are all harmed by homophobia.
Obviously if I identify as a woman and was deemed female at birth and raised as a girl and I'm walking down the street hand-in-hand with my male-identified, male-raised sweetie it's pretty safe to assume that we are not going to be targeted, attacked, or even killed on the basis of our gender and sexual identities. Especially as someone with privilege in the realm of how people perceive my gender and sexual identity, I don't mean to minimize the very real discrimination and violence that queer and transgender people face when I say that we're all harmed by homophobia and transphobia. I don't mean to paint some naive picture that sexuality doesn't matter or to imply that the solution is to simply just love who we want to love and be who we want to be and ignore the experiences of those most impacted by transphobia and homophobia. What I do mean is that we all have sexual and gender identities, even if how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us is reflected and encouraged in our culture and communities. And for this reason, we all have a stake in getting to the roots of homophobia and transphobia and working towards justice. The existence of homophobia and transphobia, even if we don't notice it in our day to day lives, keeps all of us from thriving. Expose yourself to nearly any kind of media and you will find some (possibly closeted) violent homophobe ranting about gay marriage attacking all that "we" hold dear, another city/county/nation outlawing homosexuality, archaic anti-sodomy laws still on the books, the raping and/or killing of queer and trans people. Hopefully you'll also see some brilliant, supportive, inclusive, open-minded messages of not just tolerance (putting up with "those people"), acceptance (ok, you're kinda like me), but straight-up, we're-all-in-this-together-and-all-have-the-absolute-and-unquestionable-right-to-be-and-love-who-we-want solidarity! (See the 'Supporting Queer and Questioning Youth' links to the right if you need a bit of that!)
So what I do mean by "no matter who we are we are all harmed by homophobia" is that when we're not free to be our full, radiant selves, when we walk into a doctor's office and a gazillion assumptions are made about our gender and our sex life, when the mainstream translates queer to mean perverse and straight to mean normal, when our cousin-sweetheart-mom-son, etc. is not safe to walk down the street as their full glorious self and maybe with their full glorious partner, when images of glowing white hetero families are crammed down our throat at every commercial break and in every magazine spread, we all suffer. We don't get the access to the health care we need, we don't get accurate information about risk and prevention and the sexual practices we enjoy or want to explore, we live in silence and shame about our bodies and our completely natural attractions and feelings, we're brainwashed into thinking that our dreams of having an equal, spirit-growing partnership and family is not possible, we proceed in our life doing what we believe is expected of us and what we think other people do instead of truly following our path and exploring fully.
All of us. All of us. If these statements don't relate, I feel pretty confident if you and I are able to talk for a few minutes we could find ways that at least most of them actually really do relate to your life. In a big way. Email me.
So the gathering of gay and bisexual men had their32 anniversary this year. And in a few days I will turn 32 myself. My birthday wish: Everyone to be able to be their full selves. This may look different to each person, but involves self-love, healing from trauma, love and support within our circles of (chosen) family and friends, the safe space to be honest, real, & open, being fully present in our bodies, knowing our boundaries and our needs and voicing them, listening, knowing our status in terms of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and discussing this with our partner(s), kids, friends, etc. when possible, and valuing & respecting ourselves and each other to practice safer sex and making sure that the people in our lives have access to the info and support they need. *Heterosexism is a system of attitudes, biases, and discrimination in favor of opposite-sex sexuality and relationships. It can include the presumption that everyone is heterosexual or that opposite-sex attractions and relationships are the only norm and therefore superior... Heterosexism as discrimination ranks gay men, lesbians, bisexuals and other sexual minorities as second-class citizens with regard to various legal and civil rights, economic opportunities, and social equality in many of the world's jurisdictions and societies. (taken from Wikipedia, with the parts I didn't agree with removed. If anyone else has a better definition, please post it!)
I can't leave on that note. So, action! Check out what kind of anonymous, free HIV testing is happening in your neck of the woods. Get tested. Support these projects by giving some time or money. Let others know about it. Wear a red ribbon. If you feel comfortable, tell others about your experience getting tested to help de-stigmatize STI's, open up conversations, and create a culture of awareness. When someone makes some ignorant comment about AIDS, school them. (We gotta be the good sex educators most of us unfortunately didn't have!) Educate yourself. Attend presentations, films, and drag balls that support organizations that focus onHIV/AIDS support, testing, prevention, and education. Dispel misconceptions like "Oh, it's okay that we didn't use a condom cuz s/he looks clean." Question gender. Challenge homophobia, transphobia, and rigid ideas of gender at the dinner table, in the work place, in the classroom, at the ballot box, in the bedroom, etc. Address people with the name and pronoun that they determine for themselves (even if you knew them in the past with a different name/gender). Have you got any more ideas? Please post them or send them to me. Please see earlier blog post: In Praise of Pink (Toenails), Masculinity, and Transgender Propaganda.
